25 October 2005

Buzzard Bait

The year Tommy turned 9, he and Pat decided that they needed a pet buzzard. The problem was, they couldn’t seem to get close enough to any buzzards to grab them.

But Tommy had a idea. Buzzards eat dead things, so all we need to do is get one to think we’re dead, and he’ll walk right up to us. Then we’ll grab him!

Pat wasn't so sure. He’ll know we’re just faking cuz we don’t look dead.

But Tommy said, Not if we look like we just this minute died from bleeding to death.

So, the next day, before leaving for the hills, Tommy snuck into his mother’s pantry, and got himself a bottle of ketchup.

They found the perfect clearing, and only after they staged a convincing battle in which they would both die, Tommy and Pat put down their wooden rifles, and opened the new bottle of ketchup. They took turns pouring its contents on each other, and then crawled almost 20 feet in the tall dry grass, moaning, Oh I’m dying. I’m dying.

Naturally, they had to make certain that the buzzard was convinced. So for good measure, the boys got up and did their best I’ve-just-been-shot-by-the-Enemy collapse, falling back to the ground.

And then they waited.

On their backs, they waited. And they planned about what to do when the buzzard walked up to eat them. I’ll get up and grab him by his legs. No. I’ll jump on top of him. Should we tie him up with my belt? Hey, shut up. He’s probably looking at us, right now!

And for a long while, watching the blue, cloudless, buzzardless sky, neither said a word.


Sandy said...

Absolutely hysterical. Wonder if mom ever got those ketchup stains out of their clothes.

Since I don't think buzzards eat ketchup, I guess it is safe to assume they didn't get their buzzard.

What a great story.

Anonymous said...

I think the buzzards got them. They died from prolonged exposure };-}
It was probably from heat exposure considering the bright red buzzards against the bright blue sky and yellow grass ...

Virginia Valle said...

Lovely piece :)
and great history....
Ohhh I'm still in love from your past piece :) please create another one :D

beutiful work

Catnapping said...

hehehe. actually this is a true story, related to me by someone very dear.

he and his friend fell asleep waiting for that buzzard to show up. when they woke up, they were sticky from the ketchup, and there were ants (not a great deal of ants, but enough to make them itchy nonetheless.)

they went home, and got in a bit of trouble with mom.

Giles said...

Nice bold image :) Is that a face I can see in the ground?

merlinprincesse said...

WOW I see the face too! Real nice. Love this non-fiction! Children are so funny sometimes!

Catnapping said...

Sandy: I know that both boys got in a lot of trouble over pilfering the ketchup...I also assume the clothes were stained. LOL

thank you.

Anonymous Wildcat: Tom never mentioned sunburn...but he did get an assburn from Mom.

VirginnyJoe: I would love to live in that place. I think I will do another kinda like it...and maybe write a fairy tale to go with it? LOL

Giles: Yes. Tommy is on the left, and just to the right of him, is Pat in profile.

MerlinPrincesseWhen I first heard this, I was doubled over. I could just imagine those two and their plans!

To all: thank you for commenting on this narrative. it's a favored piece of oral history in my family.

VaCATtacker. (i've been newly dubbed.)

Courtney said...

beautifully written and a great illustration. :)

The Unknown said...

Eek they were probabley eaten by ants after being covered in ketchup!
Love the story!

kg said...

another great story! i actually came here to comment on the post you left on unknown's blog about his cat pepe. your own cat story had me in stitches...!

LDahl said...

The great Buzzard Caper! Their own kids will love that story:)))
Like the illo very much too,It works so well with the story.

Anonymous said...

This is a great blog, Cat. I believe you have found yourself a niche. Keep up the good work. I may have to link to you.

"Richard" (See my post to Tempo on BOTF) WTF ROFL Please ignore Tempo's posts to you. She's a bitter woman, jealous of your talent and beauty.

Caroline said...

I love the boldness of the image and the subtleness of the faces.

Also love the funny story.

And I've just noticed that this was a post on October 25 so I don't know why its come up on bloglines now but I'm glad it did - its great!

Anonymous said...