02 August 2007

The Missing Link

alternately titled: Is the Rodeo in Town, or Did You Lose a Bet?

Never let it be said that Missoula is a town without culture.

This morning, a man in his late 50s got on my bus, and I gotta tell ya, I about lost my breath. He was sporting a mullet. It wasn't overly long in the back - it just touched his collar. But it was a definitely a mullet.

Hey, I liked the mullet on David Bowie. But Achybreaky Heart-Throb
ruined it for me. (Country singers are always a decade behind the trends ) So you gotta understand, when I see The Mullet pop up over the partition on that bus, I'm already smiling to myself.

Next, his shirt comes into view...red-white-and-blue, and very Garth Brooky. But it isn't till he steps fully into the bus that I get the Big Picture.

His first three buttons are undone alá Saturday Night Fever. And naturally, he has accessorized with a gold necklace, and (god help me) matching gold bracelet.

His shirt is tucked over a round tummy into a pair of classic orange Carhartt jeans that are two sizes too small. (Camel Joe Toe??) And to bottom it all out, he has on a pair of Pat Boone's white leather shoes and no socks!

I'm not making this up! It is as though Wicked Fairy Godmothers from 3 decades have visited upon him Embarrassing Clichés of Seasons Past.

As he walks by the only other passenger on the bus, she looks over at me with eyes round as saucers, and brimming with tears, and I know, I'm going to laugh. To save myself, I quickly look out the window, and try to think about the traffic. But when he pivots around into the seat right in front of me, I look back around!

And I'm focused right. there. - right smack dap in the center of the top of his mulleted head - to a patch, perfectly round, shiny and tanned...of baldness.

29 comments:

Archaeopteryx said...

Sheesh, Cat, why didn't you say hi to me?

catnappiing said...

hey, i'm really sorry i spit on your scalp.

...

bookbabie said...

Great story Cat:)

Anonymous said...

OH MY! Sure he wasn't a ghost from the past ....

Laurie said...

I'm in stitches here. You had me giggling with the mullet, but took me over the edge with the macrame purse.

bite said...

You really are an artist. That was pure poetry.

aynaku said...

funny story...that what happens when living in the province...i know!
:)

The Unknown said...

Man I love the bus. If it's a he though wouldn't it be a "bat wing" and not a camel "toe"?
:-)
love

catnapping said...

um...well, it's just that he was pulled up so tight, and so...symmetrically...that, er...i was reminded of a rather padded cloven hoof.

dinahmow said...

The trouble with reading glasses...I laughed so hard I couldn't keep reading. It's taken me 10 minutes to get through this.You are priceless

Gillian @ Indigo Blue said...

Hey you! HOw are you?
Mullets are crazy...they sucked even when they were in style.
xo
Blue

Anonymous said...

Cat, you're in YOUR late 50s and you're STILL RIDING THE BUS?!?! You can't even afford to own a CAR?!

Get off the government tit, you old hag.

What a life you have for yourself. No husband, no children, and poor.

Ah, but you have your computer, don't you? That's all the comfort you need, you insane harpy.

Tony Sarrecchia... said...

Sounds like another morning at the Waffle House. Great story!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hmmm. Sounds as if the dude was on his way to or from a theater of the absurd.

ValGalArt said...

Haha, I am smiling right now!

Switchsky said...

I am so happy for you. You have truly been blessed!

studio lolo said...

You have no idea how much I needed that laugh!!! This is the best post, honestly. Camel-toe had me cracking up, and I too thought it was a "girl thing" like "taco pants" or as my husband's friend says..."lapels." OMG, this week was worth it to have this to read. Thanks Cat!

k*smith said...

That story is hilarious! I would have just died.....I wonder if I have seen him before....I will be looking around at the transfer station a little more.

TenaciousK said...

Great post, Cat!

See, the world is full of inspiration for artists [admittedly, there's probably an imbalance towards the absurd and the tragic]. You have the artist's eye.

So, are you feeling another Chrysippus inspiration coming on yet?

Ellis Nadler said...

this is why I always carry a camera

Gawpo said...

Ya know, Cat, the only thing that would have made this funnier is if it had actually happened.

What?

You're staring at me. Why?

You look so serious.

What?

You don't mean...

You're not serious, right?

Right?

OH! MY! GAWD, MAGNUM!!! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-hahahahaha!!!!

Catnapping said...

i loved higgins. he was my favorite character on that show. ... a helluva lot more interesting than magnum.

;)

dinahmow said...

A little something for you at my place, Cat.

Hobbes said...

Wonderful description.
You ain't seen nothin' till you done et at Cheddar's down here in Bama.

BoiledEggInADeckChair said...

He should get proper hair.

fat B said...

We find culture in Dallas too!

ardi k said...

makes me want to ride your bus more often

Mackee said...

Did you take a sabbatical? The lunatic illustration is stunning. More on that order could make you famous.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Poor dude was trying to compensate for his baldness: he must have figured that with the rest of him so decked out no one would notice his hairlessness.