Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

22 June 2010

The Pipecleaner Man

This is a fictionalized piece of something I'm still in the early stages of working. I posted it on a forum a few months ago, and have only made a few small changes since. There is a bigger story here of which this is only a tiny part.

To offer you the same background I offered them (since so much of the story is missing) - - -


1. When we moved from Lincoln Air Base to Beale Air Force Base, the Capehart Housing for Beale's senior NCOs was only about 75% full. I think that much of the housing had been built in anticipation of the 9th SRW (strategic reconnaissance wing). Many of these houses lay vacant for over 6 months before we moved in. On top of that, the oak trees (blue oaks) already growing there were inadvertently killed off by the contractors...who put in topsoil much too deep for the trees' roots to do their jobs.

That first year we lived there, most of the lawns were brown from neglect, and half of the deciduous trees (most all of them oaks) were dead or dying.

2. My father hated the man who moved in across the street. I still don’t know why. It might have been something as basic as territory…Sgt “Krestus” wasn’t in my dad’s unit…

3. Sgt. Krestus' wife died from cancer. And the day after she died, Sgt. Krestus shot and killed several birds roosting in his yard. It’s always been mystery to me why those birds didn’t fly away with the first shot…but then it was mystery that they started gathering in his yard in the first place.

4. The day after the APs arrested him for discharging a firearm in a residential area, my brothers and I went into his back yard…we found more than a dozen dead birds…we collected them to bury them in our yard…the other thing we found…was a sucker growing near the base of one of the dead oaks…new life from a dead tree. We talked about this guy for years…we named that summer for him: The Summer the Pipecleaner Man Killed all those Birds.








“Sgt K is dead.” It was October – a school night. And we were sitting down to a supper of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Dad stood at the head of the table, smug, pleased with himself, as though he’d done the deed himself.

“Sgt K? The Pipecleaner Man?”

“Yep. Day before yesterday.”

“Poor Sgt K.”

“What’d he die from?”

“God killed him.”


”For chrissakes, Brennan, don’t tell them that. They’ll believe you!”

“Good. Because it’s true. Eye for an eye, Krestus killed those birds, and God killed him.”

“More likely, he died of a broken heart.”

“He probably killed those trees, too.”

“Jesus, Brennan. He was only there for three months. Those trees were already dead.”

“He probably cast a spell on all of them from wherever the hell he came from. He cast a spell on those birds. He was a witch. God casts out witches.”

I slipped from the table, and looked out the front window at the Krestus’ old house across the street. The dead trees were gone now, blue oaks, cut down the week after Sgt K was arrested. And for two weeks after that, a van and 5-Ton stayed parked in the driveway while men in green coveralls and heavy boots chopped up the felled trees, put down new grass, and added siding and new paint to the house.

There were saplings there now. Sweet Gums with trunks no bigger around than a man’s thumb, two in the back yard to replace the oaks, and one in the front, marking the halfway point between the street and the porch.

Someday its leaves would block the view from this window, but today I could still see Sgt K sitting there alone, soaking wet, back against the door, his knees drawn up against his chest. He was wearing a dark blue robe, but it was open. And in cotton white boxers on cotton-white skin, he looked naked, but for the two black socks drooping in a pile below his bony ankles. He was crying.

That was August. Three months after he and Mrs. K had moved in…


+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
As children, it was not uncommon for us to park ourselves on the sidewalk just barely out the Movers’ path. We were waiting for children. New neighbors always meant new children.

It was the middle of June, 106° in the shade. School was out for the summer, and we were all in our bathing suits just in case we should run into a sprinkler.

Sgt. Krestus was the only man we’d ever seen who was taller than Dad. He was skeletal, bony. And he was bone-white. His body was covered in a fuzzy sort of skin that stretched so thin you could see the corners of his bones, hints of pearl shimmering in patches under his knuckles, his elbows, and sometimes his Adam’s apple. Mom called him ‘wiry,’ and more than once we looked above the places he stood to see if he was actually held up a wire. When he moved he hummed, and when he stood still it was always at attention, a single strand of white horsetail on a slender bow, still vibrating from its last draw.

We waited as he helped his wife out of their Lincoln. She was as thin and as pale as he, but more grey than white. She was wearing a blue muumuu with large white blossoms and blue terry bedslippers. And a green silk scarf molded so perfectly the shape of her scalp that I knew she couldn’t possibly have hair growing there.

I must have started at this thought, because Sgt K looked straight at me. His eyes were a deep teal, set so close they might have been one eye, except for his nose, razor sharp and almost blue, a beak jutting two proud inches from his white face. Somewhere in its shadow was a mouth, but there were no lips to help me find it. I wondered if he had no proper mouth at all, and if it was a beak that tore the food from his dinner plate.

He walked Mrs. K to the porch, and in an instant, lifted her right out of her slippers, floating her up the steps, over the small porch, and through the front door. Dwayne was right behind them retrieving the slippers. He followed them up the steps, and dropped them next to the door just as it slammed. In that same instant, on a sunny day with not a cloud on the horizon, a clap of thunder shook his house and the ground beneath us.

Dwayne leaped from porch, landing almost in front of us, running. And as he passed us, we all turned to follow, and didn’t stop until we’d put both yards, the street, and our own front and back doors between us and man with pipecleaner skin.


22 July 2008

continuity

I wrote a hokey poem a few years ago. It wasn't long after my husband had died. I realized that the reason some of us cling to the idea of life after death is not because we're afraid of dying, but that we can't tolerate the notion that we'll never again see loved ones who've passed before us.

Even now, I hope like hell that my husband's spirit is intact. An entity made of his karma, his memories, his energy, his ki 気 . I want like hell to join him when I die. But the intellect in me is doubtful. The intellect in me realizes that we're not a collection of disparate entities, but that we're all parts of a whole. Something I've called 'pudding' when describing it to anyone who'll listen.

When we dip our spoons into a shared bowl of pudding, we don't see its ingredients, let alone the subatomic particles making them. We see one homogenous blend of creamy and sweet.

But if we were small enough…waaaaay smaller than sugar crystals, and moles of lactose, smaller than even the subatomic particles making their carbon and calcium atoms...there’d be miles and miles, millions of miles of space between even the quarks and neutrinos. They would seem like separate entities. Certainly from that size, we wouldn’t even be able to tell that they were connected in any way.

I often wonder what our universe looks like from the perspective of someone much larger. Are we part of a tree? A dog? A teakettle? Something we can’t even name or fathom? To someone much larger than we, there is no separation between galaxies, let alone continents. And species? Or Plants, Animals, and Minerals? No more so than the creamy goodness dished out in our spoons. These are designations important only to us in our wee, tiny universe. (Did you know that if the earth were as small as even an orange its surface would actually be smoother than that of an orange?)

I'm rambling. I know. I guess I'm considering the fact that even if my husband's spirit isn't sitting here with me right now, it doesn't matter. He is still a part of this world, just as we all are, tree or dog, roach or fermented grapes, dead or alive. Energy is neither created nor destroyed. Everything changes, and change is everything.

p.s. When I find the hokey poem, I'm going to add it to this entry. There's parts of the poem I still like, even if the others make me groan.

edited 23jul08 - I have found my hokey poem...at least what must be its latest rewrite, dated april of 2004. And of course, as you can read, it's not a poem at all. It's prose...there's poetry in it...in that it might be regarded as poetic, but it's prose nonetheless:

All My Relations

One early morning I was watching clouds floating across the Missoula valley, drifting apart and reforming, and I thought to myself...that's how it all moves.

Are we ghosts
boxed in eyes and ears
waiting for gods
to cut the tape?
Maybe
we're the odd stones
collected and stacked,
till we tumble
back into the path;

or the rain
rushing crimson
through the legs of buffalo,
falling back to the earth
when sparrows weep;

or the spirits who
pass the caterpillar's lips
to whisper into the mouths
of waiting trees;
or the grasses and
the deer
who lend us their grace, till we pass it on
to hungry beasts
and shiny beetles.

Like clouds in a small valley,
we touch one way
and then another,
never separated.

Never lost.

...2004
~~~~







Still editing...I have decided to try this in first-person. I have given it a new entry, and its own illustration: here

21 October 2006

01 August 2006

For the Murdered Children of Qana

In a three-story coffin,
hope spills
from black wounds
in the front wall.


And tiny souls slip
through the floorboards, escaping
the rub

of chalk and ash.

30 July 2006

Cleaning out the drawers...

Today I made ashes
of his last morning.

I put a flame
to the clothes
I'd bundled in red wool,
and tucked away
in the bottom drawer of his dresser.

In a black drum
I set fire to blood
and betadine,
and cotton jersey, scarred
from hurried scissors.

I added fresh sage and tobacco.
And I stood in the smoke.


11 September 2005

The Properties of Ether

(CH3 CH2)2O – hydrolyzed ethanol
colourless; aromatic;
highly flammable


Aristotle said ether
was inalterable,
having no beginning
and no end.

I thought
it would be safe,
-life in the ether-

You were ribbons of thought,
recipes for rye bread,
formulas for finding
the circumference of a circle.

Your existence
was a theory.
I didn't know you'd bleed.


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